How to Find LGBTQ Friendly Wedding Vendors: A Guide by a Queer Wedding and Elopement Photographer

Whether your wedding is in three months or you’re newly engaged, finding LGBT friendly wedding vendors can be really stressful. Having to come out over and over again with that added “By the way, we’re gay - is that cool?” add-on at the end of each inquiry is enough to make anyone pull their hair out. Whether you’re frantically searching Google for “LGBT friendly photographers near me” or “LGBTQ wedding venues” or “Is _____ an LGBTQ friendly wedding planner?” - I’m here to de-mystify the process of finding affirming vendors. 

LGBTQ Friendly Wedding Vendors vs. Queer-Affirming Wedding Vendors

First off, there’s a huge difference between self-proclaimed “LGBT friendly” wedding vendors and LGBTQ affirming wedding vendors. A lot of vendors will say openly that they’d work for a same-sex wedding, or go a step further by actively seeking out LGBTQ wedding clients. Well…. I don’t mean to offend, but simply saying “yes” instead of “no” to a queer wedding client does not make someone an LGBTQ friendly wedding vendor.

This article will tell you some red flags to watch out for in your journey to find queer friendly wedding vendors. At the end, I’ll also share some tips for a more productive search for your wedding vendors, whether you’re looking for an LGBTQ wedding planner, an LGBT friendly wedding dress shop, or an all-inclusive LGBT wedding package. Alright, let’s get into it!

Red flag #1: Your “LGBTQ-friendly wedding vendor” doesn’t ask for pronouns on their inquiry form.

This is quite literally the easiest thing you can do to signal allyship with the LGBTQ community. It takes two seconds to add. Eliminating gendered language “for example: ‘Groom’s Name’ and ‘Bride’s Name’” and adding pronouns to an inquiry form lets the client know that they don’t expect the couple inquiring to always be a man and a woman. It also lets potential trans and non-binary clients know that they’re safe with the vendor and won’t be misgendered while working together. If you don’t see pronouns on the inquiry form and/or the fields make an assumption about your gender/sexuality: they might not be outwardly homophobic or transphobic, but they could be doing more to consciously be inclusive.

Red flag #2: Your wedding vendor has gendered language on their website.

In the same vein as the above point, it can be discouraging if a potential wedding vendor has a lot of gendered language on their social media or website. For example, a local venue might show up under “LGBT friendly wedding venues,” but then offer virtual tours of the “bridal” and “groom’s” suites. Not very inclusive if you ask me! Similarly, a true LGBTQ wedding venue would never advertise in Facebook groups with a post that starts off “Hello, future brides!” Maybe that’s harsh, but inclusivity begins with language. Challenging the assumptions we make about our clients is the first step to truly embracing the LGBTQ community in our businesses.

Red flag #3: They refer to cishet weddings as “normal” (yikes!) or “traditional.”

This one might be obvious, but believe it or not I’ve seen it! While I love a non-traditional wedding, LGBTQ weddings are not by nature “untraditional.” You can have a traditional wedding if you’re in a queer relationship, and you can have a non-traditional wedding if you’re not. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and it’s problematic to think this way.

Red flag #4: They have “LGBTQ wedding” on their bucket list and advertise on queer hashtags but aren’t queer themselves.

Okay, this one might be a hot take. But I firmly believe it! When vendors worry more about booking LGBTQ clients so they can have a diverse portfolio than about actually putting in the work to be more inclusive in their language and actions, it’s tokenizing. Not only that, but advertising a cishet-owned business on #lgbtqweddingphotographer (one example of many) takes away traffic from actual queer-owned businesses. Not such allied behavior after all, huh?

Red flag #5: They have photos of clients on their website, but none of them are of visibly LGBTQ weddings.

I hear photographers say all the time “I want to photograph more LGBTQ weddings, but I don’t know how to advertise. Queer couples just haven’t inquired with me.” As a queer photographer, I think that’s a super lame excuse. We as photographers spend a ton of time building a portfolio that speaks to the kind of clients we want to work with. That means when we’re first starting out we often do a lot of styled shoots, model calls, and photographing our friends. 

When someone says “I don’t have any queer couples in my portfolio because they don’t inquire,” what I hear is: “I don’t have any queer friends who would model for me, and I don’t care enough about representing diversity and practicing posing queer couples to do a free model call.” Yikes!

Red flag #6: They don’t show up and advocate for the LGBTQ community in their real lives.

This one is admittedly a little challenging to look into without Internet-stalking all your vendors. However, if someone claims to be an LGBTQ friendly wedding vendor but has no queer friends and is posting discreetly transphobic things on their personal Facebook, they are probably not going to create a safe space for you.

BTW, if you didn’t know: voting history and party affiliation is public record in Minnesota. ;)

Finally: my advice to anyone planning an LGBTQ wedding!

When in doubt, hire a queer owned business as at least one of your vendors! When you hire me to photograph your wedding or elopement, you also get access to my network of Minnesota queer and LGBTQ friendly wedding vendors. Go ahead and check out my pricing for Minnesota LGBTQ wedding photography and destination LGBTQ wedding packages! Or, if you’re ready to inquire you can fill out this form to schedule a discovery call to chat through any questions you have!

Thanks for reading!!! I hope to hear from you soon about how I can support you in planning an LGBTQ wedding.

xoxo,

Abi

(she/her)